| Oohh.. |
[30 Apr 2005|12:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Need.. Food.. Now.. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cradle of Filth - Tortured Soul Asylum |
] |
» THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
- Raquel.
- Quel.
- Raq.
» THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
- Perish
- Paranoia
- Threepac Retardo
» THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- My friends.
- My eyes.
- My weirdness.
» THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- My hair.
- My paranoia.
- My inability to care about some things.
» THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
- Kangaroos.
- Spirits.
- Silence.
» THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
- Music.
- Sleep.
- Air.
» THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
- Black Overzeas pants.
- Black top.
- Two black hair ties.
» THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/ARTISTS:
- Disturbed.
- Smile Empty Soul.
- Cradle of Filth.
» THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
- Taste of Ink - The Used.
- Vermilion - Slipknot.
- Bottom of a Bottle - Smile Empty Soul.
» THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
- Graduate.
- Get €84,- without working.
- Figure out the secret behind a good friendship. Meh.
» THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (Love is a given):
- Trust.
- Understanding.
- Honesty.
» TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
- I'd die for my friends and family.
- I'd like to kill a couple of people.
- I'm a people-person.
» THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE OR SAME SEX THAT APPEALS TO YOU:
- Eyes.
- Neck.
- Hair.
» THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
- Draw.
- Predict the future.
- Like school.
» THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
- Dance.
- Work with Photoshop.
- Write.
» THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
- Shower.
- Eat.
- Graduate.
» THREE CAREERS YOU ARE CONSIDERING:
- Graphic/Webdesigner.
- Druggie.
- Serial Killer.
» THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
- New Zealand.
- Scotland.
- Spain.
» THREE KIDS' NAMES:
- Talyn.
- James.
- Shane.
» THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
- Graduate.
- Dominate the world.
- Hit people with a severed arm.
|
|
|
[23 Apr 2005|12:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Bored. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lacuna Coil - Heaven's A Lie |
] |
[x] Part 1 -- The Basics [x]
What's your name? ::: Raquel
Birthplace ::: Den Helder, Holland
Age ::: 15
Age you act ::: 3
Current location ::: Julianadorp, Holland
Eye color ::: Green/Brown
Hair color ::: Dark brown
Right, lefty or ambidextrous? ::: Left
Zodiac sign? ::: Virgo
Height? ::: 5'11"
[x] Part 2 -- Describe... [x]
Your heritage/nationality ::: Dutch, Indonesian, English, German, Jewish, Arabic
Your hair ::: Curly, past my shoulder
Your fears ::: Spirits. Like, someone is in the room with me, someone who wants to hurt me. It's why I'm paranoid.
Your perfect room ::: Dark, walls covered in haunting lyrics.. Hehe, jup.
What you practically do in a day ::: Breathe. Go to school (Saturdays and Sundays excluded). Listen to music. Shower. Brush my teeth. (No, I don't eat and drink everyday..)
[x] Part 3 -- What is/are... [x]
Words you overuse ::: Master, and um.. Duh. Whatever.
Phrases you overuse ::: "Fuck you" and "Don't fucking touch me" aaand.. "Stop talking to me or I'll kick your face into the pavement, bitch"?
Your first thought when you wake up ::: Meh.
Your greatest accomplishment ::: Wow, I dunno.. -_-'
Something you want to do ::: Become a professional web/graphic designer. Meeee! :)
[x] Part 4 -- This or that [x]
Pepsi or Coke ::: Coke.
McDonald's or Burger Kings ::: Burger King's.
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera ::: Britney Spears.
Chocolate or Vanilla ::: Vanilla.
Adidas or Nike ::: Nike.
Black or white ::: Black.
Bills or Coins ((Think $$$)) ::: Bills.
Burgers or hot dogs ::: Burgers.
Egypt or France ::: Egypt.
Rock or rap ::: Rock.
[x] Part 5 -- Do you...[x]
Smoke ::: No.
Cuss ::: Yeah, a lot.
Sing well ::: No.
Sing in the shower ::: No.
Talk to yourself --alot-- ::: I suppose.
Believe in yourself ::: No.
Like taking these longass surveys? ::: Meh.
Play an instrument ::: No.
Want to go to college? ::: I'm sick of school already.
Want to get married? ::: When I'm really, REALLY old.
Want to have children? ::: Maybe.
Think you're a health freak? ::: No.
Get along with your parents ::: Yes.
Get along with your siblings ::: Sometimes.
Think you're popular ::: No.
[x] Part 6 -- In the past month have you..[x]
Gone out of state ::: Yes, to France.
Drank alcohol ::: No.
Smoked ::: No.
Get high ::: No.
Done any drugs ::: Do painkillers count?
Eaten an entire box of oreos ::: No. What're oreos?
Been on stage ::: No.
Gone skinny dipping ::: No.
Been dumped ::: No.
Dyed your hair ::: No.
Stolen anything ::: No.
[x] Part 7 -- Your friends! =D [x]
Craziest ::: Sarah.
Loudest ::: Sarah.
Most shy ::: Kelly.
Blondest ::: Neville.
Smartest ::: Eline.
Kindest ::: Angela.
Best personality ::: Sarah.
Most talented ::: Lianne.
Best singer ::: Ashley.
Most ghetto ::: None.
Drama Queen ((or King XP)) ::: None.
Pain in the ass ::: Neville.
Funniest ::: Sarah.
Best person for advice ::: I don't ask people for advice.
Dependable ::: Eline.
Trustworthy ::: Eline.
Druggie ::: None.
Most likely to end up in jail ::: Sarah, Manalishi and Lianne, with all the pranks and stuff they pull at school, hehe.
Person you've known the longest ::: Eline.
[x] Part 8 -- The Last... [x]
Last dream ::: Dunno.
Last nightmare ::: Dunno.
Car ride ::: From France to Holland.
Last time you cried ::: Talking to Carlie.
Last movie seen ::: The Rules of Attraction.
Last movie rented ::: Dunno anymore.
Last book read ::: Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix.
Last word said ::: Hullo (To my dad).
Last curse word said ::: Fuck.
Last time you laugh ::: Can't remember anymore.
Last phone call ::: I barely touch the phone.
Last CD played ::: My MP3 player (Within Temptation, Papa Roach, Lacuna Coil, Murderdolls, Disturbed, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Marilyn Manson, Orgy, Slipknot, Intwine, Andrew WK, Evanescence, Rammstein, Mudvayne, Cradle of Filth, Good Charlotte, Green Day, Nightwish, the Ramones, the Offspring, Earshot, Smile Empty Soul, Static X, the Used, Trapt, Linkin Park, Liftid, Avril Lavigne, HIM, Limp Bizkit, Nirvana, Sum 41, System of a Down).
Last song you listened to ::: Heaven's A Lie | Lacuna Coil.
Last annoyance ::: Rico (Little brother).
Last IM ::: Michelle.
Last weird encounter ::: The guy at Santa Fé. :)
Last person you hugged ::: My mum.
Last person you yelled at ::: Rico.
Last time you wore a skirt ::: Last tuesday.
Last time you've been evil ::: Dunno.
Last time you fought with your parents/siblings ::: Yesterday, with Rico. Sort of.
Last time you wished upon a star ::: I don't do that, it's bullshit.
Played Truth or Dare ::: Back when I was 10/11.
Spent quality time alone ::: All the time.
[x] Part 9 -- I swear this is the last one! -- Randomness [x]
Are you talking to someone on AIM ::: No. I don't have AIM.
Do you feel lonely ::: No.
Ever TP'd someone's house ::: No.
How about egging someone's house ::: No.
Do you not like dislike not like me? ::: Whatever.
Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? ::: No, but I like Eminem's music enough.
Yo Momma ::: Fuck you very much.
Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? ::: Yes. But I still won't eat.
What do you think of George Bush? ::: Fuck him and his retarded oil-obsession. Die, bitch, die.
Do you like to wear chains? O_o ::: I guess.
How many languages do you speak? ::: 3 or 4.
Damn.. are your fingers tired? Cause mine sure are! ::: No.
Glad this is over? ((Say yes and I'll stalk you =P)) ::: Whatever.
|
|
| Disorder |
[06 Apr 2005|09:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Bored. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Disturbed - Awaken |
] |
In a world of disorder, I lie awake
Time enters space
Now is erased
Drugs rape the mind
Kills all you find
Knowing there's nothing I can do
Take what you love
Prey from above
Cry as you heal
Smile as they kneel
In a world of disorder, I lie awake
Run from the fate
Curse as they wait
Fly as you're still
Play at your will
Knowing there's something I can do
|
|
| Isolated |
[06 Apr 2005|07:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Color shit people! It's fun! |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Disturbed - Stupify |
] |
Isolated
Alone apart
Isolated
I'll never crawl again
I'll never fall again
Until I'm free
Here I stand in this room
Caged and trapped inside
Seems I'm damned to live a lie
Unaware of what's outside
Should I care
For what's left me behind?
And I stare at light that makes me blind
Internally, there's nothing left for me to be
I'm here alone and isolated
Have no choice but be isolated
Struggling, left alone apart
Pushed aside, made segregated
Struggling, left alone apart
See, I have no choice but be isolated
Threatened, forced to extract the heart
Pushed aside, made segregated
Have no choice but be isolated
The monsters make me hide
Perhaps I'll eat myself alive
Internally, what is there left for me to be?
I can't care for what's left me behind
And stare at light that makes me blind
These broken walls trap me inside
I'm isolated
Have no choice but be isolated
Struggling, left alone apart
Pushed aside, made segregated
Threatened, forced to extract the heart
I'll never crawl again
I'll never fall again
Until I'm free
And I stare at light that makes me blind
Internally, there's nothing left for me to be
I'm here alone and isolated..
|
|
|
[06 Apr 2005|07:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Tired. |
] |
You are an
assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your
job without mixing any emotions in it. In your
life you have probably been hurt many times and
have gotten some mental scars. This results in
you being distant from people. Though many
think that you are evil, you are not. What you
really are is a person, trying to forget your
pain and past. You are the person who never
seems to care and that is why being an assassin
fits you good. Atleast, that's what people
think. Even if you don't care that much for
your victims, you still have the ability to
care and to generally feel. It is not lost,
just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to
not get to noticed, and dress in black or other
discrete colours. You don't being in the
spotlight and wish people would just leave you
alone. But once you do get close to someone you
have a hard time letting go and get real down
if you loose him/her.
Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around
us to keep out the sadness also keep out the
joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
|
|
[03 Apr 2005|09:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Nope, nope, still don't care. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lacuna Coil - Angel's Punishment |
] |
| R | Rounded | | A | Amorous | | Q | Quintesential | | U | Unusual | | E | Explosive | | L | Loud | | | | R | Radical | | I | Ideal | | N | New | | G | Goofy | | E | Enjoyable | | L | Lucky | | B | Brilliant | | E | Energetic | | R | Respectable | | G | Gorgeous |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
Alright. If y'all say so. xS
|
|
|
[03 Apr 2005|07:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Don't care bout you or anyone! |
] |
Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play.
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from.
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
01. Twist my, twist my, twist my sister.
02. There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface.
03. Replacing this pain with something numb.
04. I see hell in your eyes.
05. Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you.
06. I don't know how I got this way, I know it's not alright.
07. I want to turn cold ice in my soul.
08. Our love is a razorblade kiss.
09. I hate when you say you don't understand.
10. Not guilty.
11. 'Cause if you don't care, then we don't care.
12. With a smile I saw you die, you'll never know I didn't cry.
13. But nobody's listening.
14. One life, nine hearts and eighteen hands that'll rip you all apart.
15. Don't you know it's wrong.
16. The fault is my own.
17. I'm naked around you, does it show?
18. You shouldn't have to sell your soul in black and white.
19. It hurts that I'm so unwanted for nothing.
20. Want to stay another way.
21. So what.
22. Life is pain and pain is my life.
23. I'm in love with you.
24. Feel it turning your heart into stone.
25. I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
|
|
| Too Much To Ask? |
[03 Apr 2005|04:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Annoyed. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Disturbed - The Game |
] |
It's the first time I ever felt this lonely
I wish someone could cure this pain
Everytime I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Is that too much that I'm asking for?
I thought you'd come around when I ignored you
So I thought you'd have the decency to change
But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning
'Cause I'm not about to look at your face again
I am still here
I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew?
What would you do?
All the pain I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands
Have you forgotten?
Do you forget it now?
You never got it
Do you get it now?
Gotta get away
There's no point in thinking about yesterday
It's too late now
It won't ever be the same
We're so different now
But I was forgotten
I won't be forgotten
Never again..
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by
I miss you..
|
|
|
[27 Mar 2005|12:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Amused. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Disturbed - Down With The Sickness |
] |
|
|
|
[25 Mar 2005|04:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Bored. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Within Temptation - Forsaken |
] |
[x] I am bisexual or homosexual.
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[ ] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic
[ ] I love Disney Movies.
[ ] I am a sucker for hair/eyes
[x] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I paid for that cell phone
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I bake well.
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self-conscious.
[x] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I've been out of this country
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. - Or a mosquito.. *paranoid look*
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I see/have seen a therapist.
[ ] I love white chocolate.
[x] I bite my nails.
[x] I am comfortable with being me.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[ ] Gotten lost in your city
[x] Saw a shooting star
[ ] Been to any other countries besides the united states - Haven't ever been to the States..
[x] Had a serious surgery
[ ] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[ ] Kissed a stranger
[ ] Hugged a stranger
[x] Been in a fist fight
[ ] Been arrested
[ ] Laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
[ ] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] Made out in an elevator
[x] Swore at your parents
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts
[ ] Been close to love
[ ] Been to a casino
[ ] Been skydiving
[ ] Broken a bone
[x] Skipped school
[ ] Flashed someone
[x] Saw a therapist
[ ] Done the splits
[ ] Played spin the bottle
[ ] Gotten stitches
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour - Ew, milk..
[x] Bitten someone
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[ ] Kissed a member of the same sex
[ ] Crashed into a friend's car
[ ] Been to Japan
[x] Ridden in a taxi
[ ] Shoplifted
[ ] Been fired
[x] Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex - I have that at the moment.. Horrible.
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back - See the above.
[ ] Stole something from your job
[ ] Gone on a blind date
[ ] Lied to a friend
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans
[x] Been to Europe - I live in Europe, duh.
[ ] Slept with a co-worker
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced
[ ] Had children
[x] Saw someone dying - He was a someone to me. My little pet Degoe. A little kid stepped on him on purpose. He died in my hands. Blood coming out of his nose. And I couldn't cry. How sad is that?
[ ] Been to Africa
[ ] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[ ] Been to Canada
[ ] Been to Mexico
[x] Been on a plane
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[ ] Thrown up in a bar
[ ] Eaten Sushi
[ ] Been snowboarding
[ ] Been Skiing (water)
[x] Met someone in person from the internet - Carlieee! *huggles*
[ ] Been moshing at a rock show
[ ] Been to a moto cross show
[ ] Lost a child
[ ] Gone to college
[ ] Graduated college
[ ] Done hard drugs
[ ] Tried killing yourself
[x] Tried hurting yourself
[x] Taken painkillers
[ ] Had someone cheat on you
[x] Miss someone right now
|
|
|
[24 Mar 2005|10:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 I dunno. I feel nothing. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lacuna Coil - Humane |
] |
You're a "Black Angel" which means your
an Angel of Death. You don't really care much
about people since no one was particularly nice
to you and now you want revenge for their
cruelty. You're always alone unless forced to
be with other people and you love to cause
trouble. You feel depressed a lot and don't
have something that could cheer you up like
most people. You don't find joy in people or
the arts or any item or some sort. You have
darker desires and you're very secretive. (If
you cannot see the picture, go to my homepage
and scroll down near the bottom. I have the
results from all my quizess that have pics)
What Color Angel Are You? (PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla
|
|
| Meh. |
[24 Mar 2005|01:25pm] |
Some songs that kinda describe how I feel at the moment--
"Sick, get sick on this
You motherfuckers make me
Wanna slit my wrist
Sick, so sick of this
I wanna slit my wrists"
- "Slit My Wrist" by the Murderdolls
"Forever sworn to keep it
My filthy little secret
Pity"
- "Filthy Little Secret" by Cradle of Filth
"Yesterday I was dirty
Wanted to be pretty
I know now that I'm forever dirt"
- "The Nobodies" by Marilyn Manson
"I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone"
- "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day
"With a smile I watch you go
You'll never know I didn't cry
With a smile I saw you die
You'll never know I didn't cry"
- "Cold" by Lacuna Coil
"The secret belong to a part of me
And it's my anger and my pain
Just close my eyes and live your life
Your tears are so sweet for me"
- "The Secret" by Lacuna Coil
"Well I’d rather cut you than the wedding cake
And your bloody guts on my rented tux
And I do, I do, I do wanna kill you
Til dead do us part, I’ll tear us apart"
- "Die My Bride" by the Murderdolls
"Well I loved you to death"
- "Die My Bride" by the Murderdolls
"I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live"
- "I Just Wanna Live" by Good Charlotte
"I watched a change
In you
It's like you never
Had wings
Now you feel
So alive
I've watched you change"
- "Change" by Deftones
"It's time to turn the page and start
And then
Don't you think that it's time
To convince yourself it's over?"
- "Purify" by Lacuna Coil
"Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you"
- "Lies" by Evanescence
"In this world you tried
Not leaving me alone behind
There's no other way
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay"
- "Memories" by Within Temptation
|
|
| Survey thing! |
[21 Mar 2005|11:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Sore. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Murderdolls - Dead in Hollywood |
] |
SECTION 1: (You)
* Your name: Raquel.
* Your gender: Female.
* Age: Fifteen.
* Height: 5'11" | 1.81.
* Hair color/style: Dark brown, near black. Just over my shoulder.
* Eye color: Green/Brown.
* Marital status: Single.
* Your location: Helland.
* Talents: Drawing, dancing.
SECTION 2: (Have you ever...?)
* Peed your pants: Yes. I fell off the seesaw when it was all the way up, and I couldn't breathe because I fell on my lungs, and I peed my pants because I couldn't stop laughing. I was.. nine or ten, I think.
* Cheated on someone?: Nope.
* Fallen off the bed?: No. I frequently bump my head really hard into the wall, though..
* Fallen for a relative?: Nope.
* Had plastic surgery?: Ew, no!
* Broke someone's heart?: Have I?
* Had your heart broken?: Nope. That's impossible.
* Had a dream come true: Nope.
* Done something you regret?: Yeah, lotsa times.
* Cheated on a test?: Maybe. I dunno, probably, yeah.
* Been raped?: Nope.
* Broken a body part?: Nope. Odd, I should've broken my middlefinger, but I only bruised it really bad. The tip practically touched my wrist!
SECTION 3: (Whatcha doin' now?)
* Wearing: My black Overzeas pants and my black Twinlife shirt.
* Listening to: Dead in Hollywood | Murderdolls.
* Chewing: Nothing.
* Feeling: The pain in my neck -_-'
* Reading: This, ja.
* Located: In my room?
* Chatting with: No one, at the moment.
* Watching: This.
* Should REALLY be: Having breakfast..
SECTION 4: (Do you...?)
* Brush your teeth?: Ja. Duh -_-'
* Like anybody?: Jup.
* Have any piercings?: Nope.
* Drive? Nope.
* Believe in Santa Claus?: No, only in the Easter Whale! :)
* Ever get off the computer?: Sure.
SECTION 5: (Friends...?)
* Who is your best?: Carlie.
* Who is the loudest?: Um..
* Who is the shyest?: Lissles, I suppose.
* Who is the 'hottest'?: Carlie ;)
* Who is the cutest?: Emsee! *hugs*
* Who laughs the most?: *shrug*
* Who have you known the longest?: Carlie.
* Who have you known the shortest?: Um.. Dunno.
* Do you belong to a crew?: *shrug*
* Do you hang out with the opposite sex?: Ja.
* Do you consider yourself POPULAR?: Not at all.
* Do you trust your friends?: Jup.
* Are you a good friend?: Not when I'm feeling suicidal.
* Can you keep a secret?: Yeah.
SECTION 6: (The last person you...?)
* Hugged online: I dunno.
* Hugged offline: My mum. :)
* IMed: Either Teal or Carlie.. I can't remember ^^"
* Talked to on the phone: Random person. My mum, I think.
* Yelled at: Richard, because he was calling me and my mum names and told me it was a joke after that. RIGHT!
* Tripped: No one. :)
* Turned down: Um.. *shrug* A while ago, Johan.
SECTION 7: (Personal)
* What do you want to be when you grow up?: Um. Either a Marine Biologist (Which will always be a dream), webdesigner or a dancer!
* What is your most embarrassing story?: Um.. Dunno. A lot. :)
* What has been the best day of your life?: The best THREE days; In October! :)
* What comes first in your life?: My friends.
* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: Crush; This Gothic girl, Jackie. ^^"
* If you had an extra set of eyes where would you put them?: In the back of my head.
* What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: Ok, ok. Stupid parents. Stop whining already! I'm going, I'm going!
SECTION 8: (Favorite...?)
* Movie: Hard to tell. A lot.
* Song: Dawn of the Dead | Murderdolls.
* Group: Many!
* Store: American Base.
* Relative: My mum, my aunt and my niece!
* Sport: Swimming and horse-back riding.
* Vacation spot: Salou and Scotland. :)
* Ice cream flavor: Vanilla and Strawberry.
* Fruit: Apple.
* Candy: Cheetos Skeletos! Yum!
* Holiday: Um..
* Day of the week: Friday.
* Colour: Green, red and black.
* Magazine: None.
* Name for a girl: Aderyn.
* Name for a boy: Jairo.
SECTION 9: (Do you...?)
* Like to give hugs?: Depends who it is.
* Like to walk in the rain?: Yep.
* Sleep with or without clothes?: Depends on the temperature.
* Write in black or blue ink?: Blue, black isn't allowed at my school.
* Dress up on halloween?: We don't have Halloween here. :(
* Have a job?: I hate working.
* Like to travel?: Jup!
* Like someone?: Jup!
* Sleep on your side, stomach, or belly?: Side.
* Think you're attractive?: Nope.
* Want to marry?: When I'm 100, yes.
* Have a goldfish?: No, they're boring.
* Ever have the falling dream?: Sure. A lot.
* Have stuffed animals?: Mhmm. Somewhere over the 150.
* Go on vacation?: No, I'm chained to my house. OF COURSE I GO ON VACATION! Jeez. -_-"
SECTION 10: (What do you think about...?)
* Abortion: 'Sfine with me, I suppose.
* Bill Clinton: ..He was this president dude, right??
* Eating disorders: Quite annoying.
* Suicide: A tried and tested formula for release.
* Summer: Kut.
* Tattoos: Love em.
* Piercings: Love em, but not on me. :)
* Make-up: *shrug*
* Drinking: Every once in a while.
* Guys: Potential friends and boyfriends.
* Girls: Potential friends and girlfriends.
SECTION 11: (This or that?)
* Pierced nose or tongue?: Tongue.
* Be serious or funny?: Funny.
* Single or taken?: Single.
* Simple or complicated?: Simple.
* Law or anarchy?: Anarchy.
* MTV or BET?: MTV.
* 7th heaven or dawson's creek?: Neither.
* Sugar or salt?: Sugar.
* Silver or gold?: Silver.
* Tongue or belly button ring?: Tongue.
* Chocolate or flowers?: Chocolate; I despise flowers.
* Angels or miracles?: Miracles.
* Colour or black-and-white photos?: Colour.
* Sunrise or sunset?: Sunset.
* M&M's or Skittles?: M&M's.
* Rap or rock?: Rock.
* Stay up late or sleep in?: Stay up late.
* TV or radio?: TV.
* Hot or cold?: Cold. Yeah, I don't mind my food being cold either. Last night I ate cold Chicken Tonight! Mmmmm! :)
* Taller members of the opposite sex or shorter?: *shrug* Don't really care..
* Sun or moon?: Moon.
* Diamond or ruby?: Diamond.
* Left or right?: Left.
* 10 acquaintances or one best friend?: Best friend.
* Vanilla or chocolate?: Vanilla.
* Kids or no kids?: No kids.
* Cat or dog?: I like both.. Cat; My cute Drakins. Dog; ROTTWEILER! Woof.
* Half-empty or half-full?: Half-empty.
* Mustard or ketchup?: Ketchup.
* Newspaper or magazine?: Newspaper.
* Give or receive?: Give.
* Rain or snow?: Rain; I HATE snow!
* Lace or satin?: Satin.
* A year of hot sex or a lifetime of friendship?: Lifetime of friendship.
* Happy or sad?: Sad.
* Corduroy or plaid?: Neither.
* Wonder or amazement?: Wonder.
* Sneakers or sandals?: Sneakers.
* McDonald's or Burger King?: Burger King.
* Mexican or italian food?: Italian.
* Lights on or off?: Off.
* Duct tape or scotch tape?: Duct.
* Candy or pop?: Candy.
* A house in the woods or the city?: In the woods.
* Pepsi or coke?: Coke.
* Nike or adidas?: Nike.
SECTION 12: (Other questions...)
* Do you go to church?: No.
* Do you like church?: I like to burn it, yes. :)
* Why or why not?: Why - Because I said so. Why not - Exactly. Why not?
* What's your favorite kind of tree?: Um..
* Out of all your friends, who has the coolest house?: Ummm...
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| Slowly falling apart.. |
[17 Mar 2005|10:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 Beyond depression. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Cradle of Filth - Hallowed Be Thy Name |
] |
I can't begin to describe how I feel.
First of all, I feel like crying, but I can't. I'm serious, I just can't. I don't know why. Instead, my heart is aching, instead of my head, for once..
I feel.. abandoned. Ditched. Shoved aside like a puppy who lost the 'cute & adorable' look. The puppy grew up. And the people around it suddenly lost their interest. That's how I feel.
I feel alone. So lonely. I've never felt alone. I'm alone, yet I've got so many people around me. I don't know. I've never felt like this before. I always like being on my own, but currently, I just want someone to hug me, someone who won't look at me in a funny way if I cry. Because I want to. I should be. But I've hidden my emotions and my feelings for too long that now, I can't anymore.
I feel.. empty. Hollow. Numb. And I know, I'm never going to be alright again.
I want to die. I've wanted to a lot of times. But now I'm seriously serious. I'm going to try everything in my might to end it. And no one will stop me. No one cares to, I bet.
People say that when you die, you'll disappear. When you die, you'll stop existing. When you die, people will forget about you, eventually. Does that mean I'm already dead? I'm already forgotten, I'm unwanted and tossed aside. After all, there are better things than this sad puppy who finally lost people's interest, right?
Right?
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| Why am I here again? |
[10 Mar 2005|10:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Don't feel like it anymore.. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Cradle of Filth - Funeral In Carpathia |
] |
I feel so wonderful.
I feel absolutely fine.
I feel like singing out loud.
NOT! Sarcasm is quite my thing, don't you think? I hate me, myself and I, and I seem to push away all the people I love, and I don't know why, how, or what I can do against it. Headaches are melting my brains and I find myself taking painkiller after painkiller, yet nothing will bloody well help.
I. Suck.
Today, I had to teach ten minutes, for PE, for a grade. I almost lost my temper because them fuckers don't work with me! So they hate me, whatever! DON'T FUCK UP MY GRADE ON PURPOSE, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES, OR I'LL FUCKING RIP YOU APART!!! I'm angry and upset and in fucking pain, and I just.. UGH! I find myself threatening people to kill them if they don't fucking shut up, or that I'll stomp their fucking retarded faces into the ground with one more word. Speets (My PE teacher) said I had teacher potential, and he even asked me what I wanted to do with my future. Well, fucking NOT going to become a teacher to stupid FUCKS like idiotic, hormone-driven TEENAGERS! I can work with kids. Little ones. Little ones who don't fucking hate me. But there's a shortage on people who actually like me the last couple of-- I mean, my whole LIFE!
I'm fucking sick of school, sick of people, sick of ME, sick of fucking life! There's nothing really worth living for in my eyes, and I know some people won't like reading this, but it's true. I don't feel like nothing, but lie on my bed and kick the world of the fucking retarded living out of my window. Fuck you. Fuck you all! I fucking hate you! I don't see forward to nothing. Next week? Whatever. 26th of March? Couldn't care less. 16th of April, aka, Disney Land Paris? FUCK OFF ALREADY!
I can do something better than to live. Neville told me to 'get a life', in a joke. I responded with a, "I already have one, I just don't do shit with it." What I actually wanted to say was, 'I already have one, and I never asked to be given one either.' I'm ungrateful of my friends, I suppose. Believe me, I love them to death, but offline my life is such a mess, it's driving me nuts, insane and it's making me do stupid things.
Of course, the people at school don't know any of this. I'm great at hiding my emotions, it's a talent, what can I say? But every now and then, I notice my 'life is fun and let's all mess around and stuff' attitude is slipping. It's happening more often too. I just can't find the energy anymore. I can't find the will to pretend I'm fine when I fucking just want to throw myself against the wall a couple of times. Even my parents don't know how I really feel. Though when I sometimes come downstairs, I find my mum asking me what's wrong, and I quickly wipe the clear depression off of my face and put up a happy smile, telling her I'm just fine.
Lianne told me to 'stop being Miss Depression already' in the locker rooms of PE, and I just pretended I didn't know what she was talking about. I can't do anything about it, I can't find the energy or will to do anything about it, I really can't be bothered with it all anymore.
But please, I ask you not to worry about me, and I suppose you know that I mean you. I love you, and I truly see you as a sister, but don't worry. I'm not going to be fine in a long time yet, that I can tell you, but once I get over myself, and probably after my exams, or so I hope, I'll find my will to live again. If I don't.. Start worrying.
Love,
Raquel..
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[13 Feb 2005|12:30pm] |
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